It Comes in Three's
by Ford.Ye.Fiji
Summary: The Doctor's enemies believe they had discovered his weakness. They haven't. Sort of. If you want this fic to make more sense you should read 'Cold' by Saturn-Jupiter!


**A/N: This is based off of Saturn-Jupiter's story 'Cold.' This will make lots more sense if you read that first, and I recommend that you do so. It's an amazing and wonderful fic. Of course, you don't have to read it, but it would help. A lot. Disclaimer: I don't own Doctor Who... Or 'Cold.'**

 _"Amy found the whole thing quite amusing, as she did whenever the Doctor was floundering about hopelessly. It was something that forced her to suppress, or, occasionally, openly express sniggers at his expense. The Doctor, an alien who knew virtually everything, who was amazing and could handle pretty much everything thrown at him, couldn't handle a simple sneezing fit. She was sure that, should any of his enemies be aware of this, they would undoubtedly spend years developing bio-weapons specifically designed to induce sneezing fits." -Amelia Pond from the fanfiction 'Cold' by Saturn-Jupiter._

The word had gotten out. The Sontaran's set to work, but quickly fell behind in the race. The Silurian's were just above them, but the real competition was between the Cybermen and the Daleks. The two were racing forward, making leaps and bounds in progress of the bio-weapon.

Then, out of nowhere all of the nearly completed parts disappeared. The Cybermen were enraged... Well, they weren't enraged really, they didn't have emotions so... meh but what counts is that they soon found the culprit.

The Silence.

The Cybermen waged war and the Daleks sneaked the now completed bio-weapon back from under the warring Silence's and Cybermen's noses. It was also to the Dalek's advantage that they had found a way to remember the Silence. One that was much more sophisticated than the rudimentary method of making tally marks on oneself with sharpie.

It took nearly three years but the Daleks had gotten the weapon.

Whereupon the Daleks soon located the Doctor and fired the weapon. It didn't work. Well, it did work, but the overall conclusion wasn't what they wanted. They did manage to quite annoy the Doctor though... Oh, I suppose I'll just have to show you.

 **0-0-0-0-0-0-0**

"-And that is how I singlehandedly defeated the Sontaran's giant laser whales from outer space with only several million tons of krill."

Rory groaned. "Where are we going again?"

The Doctor frowned, "Honestly? I have no idea. Do you remember, Amy?"

Amy rubbed her eyes and turned, "Somewhere on the fifth moon of Orleo-something or other?"

"Ah, right, I wanted to show you the fifth moon of Orleounterpoloxipia called Raquefertanopolopia otherwise fondly known as Opolopia. The sky is so clear you can see the other four moons and Orleounterpoloxipia in clarity."

Rory shifted from where he'd been slumped on the jump seat, "Fondly?"

"Yeah, the people on Orleounterpoloxipia worship it." Amy straightened against the rails she'd been leaning on and raised an eyebrow questioningly.

The Doctor waved his hand in a circle before stating as if it would answer her unspoken question, "Because of the rings."

The TARDIS then chose that moment to lurch and Amy clutched the railing instinctively. Rory's hands shot to grasp the bottom of the seat in a white-knuckled grip. The Doctor laughed and danced about the console as if he'd been doing this since he was child.

He hadn't, but for all Amy and Rory knew, he could've.

A few seconds later the time and space ship landed with a teeth-chattering jolt and the Doctor bounced to the doors like a kid on Christmas. Amy followed, a bit more subdued but grinning just as much. Rory followed slowly, though he was excited, the more logical part of his brain told him there was probably a huge amount of danger and they could be shot at if the Doctor opened the door.

The Doctor opened the door and the trio stepped out, only to be enveloped in stuffy white mist. The Doctor wrinkled his nose and waved away the dusty fog. Yes, it was dusty- particles floated lazily to the ground.

"What is this stuff? I thought you said Oploia was clear."

" _Opolopia_ and yes, it... it... IS-TCHOO!"

The Doctor bent inwards and the explosive noise was muted by his hands. Rory and Amy stared in wonderment.

The Doctor groaned and rubbed his nose, " _Why_ am I sneezing again?"

He was of course referring to the incident on Spiringosa at least a year earlier. Amy shuddered in remembrance. "Is... Is the TARDIS sick again?"

"N... N... NO-TISCHOO!" The Doctor nearly snarled and rubbed his nose angrily, "I think it's this -TCHOO- blasted dust!" The Doctor finished his sentence with another explosive sneeze.

Amy held out her hand and the light dust settled on her fingertips. "It doesn't _look_ lethal. Besides why aren't we sneezing?"

The Doctor couldn't answer he was in the middle of another cumbersome sneezing episode. Rory counted, at least, seven sneezes before the Doctor was done. The Doctor dug around in his pockets and pulled out a familiar red polka-dotted handkerchief before he sneezed again, this time into it.

Amy whistled, "Blimey. I thought they mostly came in threes?"

"It m-must-" the Doctor's voice cracked and went higher as he tried to hold in another sneeze, "Be designed to affect Time Lord bioloa... Ahh.. AHHCHOO!" The Doctor failed at containing the sneeze and he contorted again as dust billowed.

"So this was definitely deliberate?" Rory asked as he attempted to clear the mist by waving the cloudy dust away. Eventually it seemed to settle by their feet and the dust revealed a dozen or so Daleks watching them.

One of them rolled forward and spoke, "Doc-tooor."

The Doctor looked up and tried to groan but he sneezed instead. A few seconds passed as the Daleks waited for the Doctor to pause. The sneezing fit finally stopped for a few brief moments where the Doctor managed to choke out a, "Oh, so this was you wasn't it you big- TCHOO!"

Whatever the Doctor was going to say was lost to mucus and sneezes.

The Dalek spoke again, "You are at our merccccy! Surrender now or you will be ex-ter-min-ated!"

A few Daleks echoed, "Exterminate! Exterminate!"

The Doctor still sneezing fumbled in his pocket for the sonic, but his involuntary convulsions caused him to drop it and the sonic rolled away. Rory quickly picked it up as the Doctor took a deep breath and tried to speak between sneezes.

"I supp... SupposeTCHOO! That this dust is... Is... Is a bioTCHOO- w- weapon?"

The Doctor grabbed the sonic from Rory and began fiddling with it, discarding the handkerchief in favor of attempting an escape.

"Having trouble speak-ing Doc-tor?"

Amy blinked, had a Dalek just _sassed_ the Doctor?

"Oh very f... Fun... FunnyTCHOOO! Did you prac- prac- practiceTCHOO! _Oh bugger!_ " The Doctor shouted in frustration as he was interrupted by another sneeze.

"Give up Doc-tor, we have ex-ploi-ted your weak-ness!"

The Doctor's answer was a sneeze, and for some reason, it was accompanied with a radiant and triumphant smile.

"The Doc-tor and his com-pan-ions will be exterminated!"

The Doctor fumbled the sonic and said, "I think- TCHOO- not!" Before he pressed something on the sonic and all of the dusty white mist was sucked into the screwdriver. The Doctor's watery complexion cleared and he grinned before grabbing Rory's and Amy's hand, though it was a bit uncomfortable as he was squishing Amelia's fingers next to the cool metal of the sonic, before saying, " _Run!_ "

Laser bolts followed the trio all the way to the TARDIS. Luckily, they made it and the Doctor leaned against the door in relief as Amy and Rory followed suit.

"Did I mention how much I hate sneezing?"

Amy and Rory's slightly hysterical laughter filled the TARDIS as they sped away from the Daleks and their sneezing trap into the time vortex.


End file.
